black star of darkness

Hey guys, this is an updated version of my poem, can the same and other people comment on whether this is better or no. Thank you and thanks for all ...

I like the poem, as I think it has a good, clear rhythm However, like others have said before me, it needs more of some punctuation, and some more imagery ...

Hey See you can write poems, It has a very good rhythm although I agree with an earlier comment that you have overused the word 'you' a bit Keep it ...

Thank you for your advice I shall work on the rhythm and punctuation and I shall re-post when that is finished thanks :)

Hey guys, this is the edited version, hopefully it meets your critisicm The iron gates loom menacingly, Staring down with their grave eyes, At the new penguins. They waddle through, ...

I think this is a very good poem for a girl as it is sweet However it is a bit cliched if you ask me as it uses the comparisons ...